|
EFFECTS OF DATING/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON THE VICTIM Loss of appetite, Eating disorders, Weight
loss Gastrointestinal disorders, Headaches Central nervous system disorders, Nervous, Anxious Bruises, broken bones Self-blame, Shame Guilt Confusion Mistrust of self & others Feelings
of worthlessness, low self-esteem Sadness,
Depression, Suicidal Terror, Fear Death
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER Flashbacks Nightmares Anxiety Emotional numbing Insomnia Hypervigilance Avoidance of
traumatic triggers and talking about the problem Feeling detached
and estranged Explosive or inhibited anger Helplessness Sense of being
different from others Attribute total power to perpetrator or
become preoccupied w. relationship to them, including preoccupation with revenge Isolation,
distrust, or repeated search for a rescuer Sense of hopelessness
and despair Substance abuse Self-mutilation, self-harm BATTERED
WOMEN’S SYNDROME Believe violence is their fault Inability to place responsibility for violence elsewhere Fears for her life and/or children’s lives Irrational
belief that abuser is omnipresent and omniscient
Adapted from: Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control and the U.S. Dept. of Veteran Affairs,
National Center for PTSD
The psychological effects on the victim are devastating. They are
truly brainwashed through mind control and manipulation. They are made to believe that everything is their fault; they
feel worthless; they believe they are not a good person; and they feel no one else will ever be interested in them.
They have difficulty knowing who to trust due to the isolation created by the abuser. The abuser continually puts down
the victim's family and friends and tells the victim that their family and friends do not care about the victim.
The abuser tells them that they are the only one who really cares about them. Gradually the victim becomes very angry,
usually not recognizing the abuse as the source of their anger and they displace that anger on their family and friends.
The become extremely confused and do not know who to trust. Together with the fear instilled in them by the abuser (by
breaking their possessions, battering them, threatening to kill them and/or their families, calling them the worst names)
they become psychologically destroyed.
WHY DON’T THEY JUST LEAVE? Learned
Helplessness: The theory of learned
helplessness states that helplessness and depression will develop in the victim in response to their loss of ability to predict
what actions will produce a particular outcome. The victim learns to choose only those actions that will probably be successful
in diminishing the abuse and they use these behaviors over and over rather than trying a new behavior, for which the response
will be unknown to them. They become "survival-focused" as opposed to "escape-focused". Surviving within
the relationship becomes their focus, and they may still appear confident, independent, etc. to outsiders, but all the while
the abuser becomes more powerful in their eyes. They view others as less able to help them and they feel trapped and alone.
They become depressed, fearful, helpless, and dependent. As time goes on they view escape as impossible. Lenore Walker, creator
of the Cycle of Abuse, believes that "if a woman is to escape such a relationship, she must overcome the tendency to
learned helplessness survival techniques, becoming angry rather than depressed and self-blaming; active rather than passive;
and more realistic about the likelihood of the relationship continuing on its aversive course rather than improving. She must
learn to use escape skills compatible to the survival behaviors already adopted."* According to the US Dept. of Justice the dynamics of relationship abuse are similar to techniques
used to control or brainwash prisoners of war. " These techniques induce dependency, dread, and debility…the victim
tends to become immobilized by the belief that they are trapped, cannot escape. This heightening of fear, helplessness, dependency,
and dread are all intertwined in the definition and dynamics of abuse."* The US Dept of Veteran
Affairs has listed domestic violence as one of their examples of "living in captivity". The fear and terror
cause victims to go into survival mode. Most often threats to their life and/or the lives of others have been made and
they often do what they can to placate the abuser rather than take the risk of greater harm occurring if they leave.** Traumatic Bonding Theory: This theory explains the dynamics of domestic violence and explains why victims stay with their abuser
or return to the relationship. It states that "strong emotional connections develop between the victim and the perpetrator
during the abusive relationship. These emotional ties develop due to the imbalance of power between the batterer and the victim
and because the treatment is intermittently good and bad. In terms of the power imbalance, as the abuser gains more power,
the abused ..feels worse about himself/herself and is less able to protect themselves and is less competent. The abused person
therefore becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser. The second key factor in traumatic bonding is the intermittent and
unpredictable abuse…the abuse is offset by an increase in positive behaviors such as attention, gifts, and promises.
The abused individual also feels relief that the abuse has ended. Thus, there is intermittent reinforcement for the behavior,
which is difficult to extinguish and serves instead to strengthen the bond between abuser and the individual being abused."** Approach and Avoidance Theory: The mix of pros and cons present in the abusive relationship "leads to
ambivalence on the part of the victim. The victim is likely to want to approach the positives in the relationship but avoid
the abuse. This struggle between wanting to keep the relationship and wanting to remain safe makes it difficult to decide
whether to leave or stay."** On average, victims tend to leave and return about 7 times before leaving permanently. Given all of the above, along with guilt, feelings of failure, embarrassment,
humiliation, lack of support, lack of resources….should we even ask the question "Why don’t they just leave?" *www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/assist/nvaa99/chap8.htm **www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/specific/fs_domestic_violence.html US Dept. of
Veterans Affairs
HOW CAN I HELP? DO
DO: Assure confidentiality, let
the victim know if you must report DO: Be understanding,
non-blaming, non-judgmental, honest, and supportive DO: Listen and
validate feelings DO: Acknowledge the abuse, show concern DO: Ask questions, help victim to identify abusive behaviors DO: Remind them of their strengths DO: Assess for danger DO: Express concern DO: Offer help:
refer local Domestic Violence agency; local police if necessary; social worker, guidance, administrator
if in school DO: Share information about dynamics of abusive relationships DO: Support their decisions, show patience, remember it takes an average of 5-7 times of leaving
and returning to the abusive relationship before the victim leaves for good DO: Provide
information:
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE Your State Coalition should be used as
a resource and can be found at www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList_73.html
Safety plans Legal information DO: Help the victim create a safety plan and explain to them that the most dangerous
time for them is right after they
leave the relationship.
DON’T DON’T:
Judge or blame DON’T: Pressure DON’T:
Assume victim wants to leave relationship DON’T: Put down the abuser DON’T: Talk to the victim and abuser together DON’T: Place
conditions on your support
Adapted
from www.opdv.state.ny.us, www.safehome-ks.org, "Domestic Violence: The Facts ", and "Mass. Guidelines for Schools on Addressing Teen
Dating Violence"
|
